Dealing with negative feedback

No one likes to receive developmental feedback. But very often you may be blindsided, and it is helpful to know about areas you can improve upon or things you can do better. However, often you may receive feedback that is downright false and negative with not much truth in it.

For example, your manager may say you are not working hard enough even though you have been toiling away on weekends. Or, that you need to keep your team engaged while you believe that you are the best people manager in the department.

Being criticized feels terrible, but being told that you are failing in areas where you thought you were excelling is utterly frustrating.

What is the best way out? Do you just deal with it, suck it up and feel miserable for fear of a backlash or you fight back and insist that what you are doing is right and end up looking like a stubborn, aggressive and difficult person who does not respond well to feedback?

Here are a few things you can do next time you find yourself in such a situation.

1. Check your emotions

A natural instant reaction may be to refute the claim. Notice, your feelings will naturally be strong as you are being challenged. The higher intensity of emotions may cause you to behave in a rash manner which you may regret later. Try to recognize that and acknowledge the feelings internally, quickly. That will give a little more room for your logical mind to take charge. If you find it difficult to do that in front of your manager, it is best to take the time to settle yourself and reschedule the conversation for a later date.

2. Seek evidence

Once you have gotten a hold of your emotions, approach the discussion with the intention of digging deep to understand what may be happening to bring this kind of feedback. Try getting more clarification. It is possible that something you are doing is being perceived differently by your manager. Or, could it be that maybe, that feedback is actually justified and you have just been blind to your own shortcomings. Ask for specific instances and examples to get evidence of that behavior.

3. Be thankful

No matter how angry it may make you, be grateful. This is pointing you towards deeper introspection and exploration. You are getting feedback which means your manager is vested in your growth. Use this as an opportunity for personal growth. Always take the high road. You need to be at a certain maturity level and self-confidence to be able to be at this level.

3. Disagree calmly and with respect

This is the part why you decided to read this article in the first place. Of course, you have every right to stand up for yourself. Take the time to prepare your case well. Coming from a place of calmness after you have done the first three steps will allow you to articulate your point of view with clarity. You will be able to support your claims and get your manager to understand things from your perspective. Try giving examples and solidify your argument with data without sounding like a victim and passing the blame on to others.

The good news is that when you are confident you are right, all you need to do is address the situation in an appropriate manner. Communicating in a way that demonstrates your maturity while clearly surfacing your real self at the same time respecting your manager and their opinions is the trick.

(Views expressed are personal. )

The author is founder and CEO of Talent Power Partners, a Bengaluru-based global leadership development company. She is a leadership development specialist, an ICF certified executive coach and author of the book Team Decision Making.